God has recently shown me a very toxic thought I have believed about myself my whole life. I have had a deep seeded belief that I was unwanted. I’ve always had this gnawing sense that I was unplanned, unwanted and really nothing more than a mistake of my parents. You see, I grew up as a lot of us did with an alcoholic father and a mother who was just too weak to stand up to him (please know I believe she did her very best.) So the story that I have told myself my whole life is that my mom and dad already had four other children (she had me at 41 and back then that was not a popular age to be childbearing) and there was no way that she wanted to have another child with man who was an alcoholic. Can you blame her? I mean, who would really deep down want that? I get it and don’t blame her one bit.
When I look back it is so evident that my mom was not at all an affectionate person. To be honest, I actually never remember being invited to crawl up in her lap just so she could make me feel special and just love on me. In fact, I never even remember sitting in my mom’s lap at all. Maybe I did, but I just have no memory of it. When I was young and had those moments of being disappointed or when I felt that I had been purposefully excluded from something special like a birthday party or sleepover, I never remember my mom trying to comfort me or build me up and tell me that I was an amazing kiddo even though someone had intentionally left me out it didn’t change how valuable I was. Every kiddo needs someone to tell them how valuable they are. I don’t remember that coming from my parents at all. Unfortunately, most of my memories are actually filled with thoughts that most people wouldn’t ever want to have to rethink.
So, why on earth would I be telling you such a sad and negative story?
I tell you all that so I can share the pure joy and excitement I have had from finding out what God’s Word says about me and you. I really love the book of Ephesians. I especially love reading the amplified version of this book because it gives me such an amazing visual of God’s love. For example, in the Amplified Ephesians 1:4 says: Even as [in His love] He CHOSE us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ BEFORE the foundation of the world… I have to ask myself after reading that, how can I continue to allow myself to feel unwanted when the Creator of the universe has told me that HE picked me out ON PURPOSE! The reason it gives me such joy to read this is because of that toxic stronghold in my mind of being unwanted. That stronghold has affected every part of my life because I have believed that I was never meant to be born and that there was really no purpose for me. I thought I was nothing more than a big mistake. BUT GOD! tells me different. He tells me that I, Renee, was set apart, CHOSEN before He even made the world. Do you now what that means to me? I wasn’t a mistake, I WAS ON PURPOSE. His purpose. Perhaps my parents didn’t plan for me and maybe they really didn’t want me, BUT GOD DID. And if God planned me that means He has a purpose for me.
So, if you are struggling with a feeling of being a mistake, unwanted or that your life has no value, I want you to know that is a lie straight from the enemy to keep you from being the incredible creation God has made you to be! God chose YOU to be HIS. You are so important that He made sure He chose you before He even made a place to put you. He wanted to be sure that you were His before He did anything else. Why? Because He loves you wants to be sure He gets to spend eternity with YOU! You can’t be more
unwanted than to be chosen by the Creator of the universe. You are His hand picked delight that He actually hand picked for Himself. The Creator of ALL things PICKED YOU!! WOW!!! I would say that makes YOU incredibly valuable and undoubtedly wanted!
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am FREE
Even before He made the world, God LOVED me and chose me.
I chose you BEFORE I formed you in the womb; I set you apart BEFORE you were born!
I know what I have planned for you. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with HOPE!